Have you ever had someone tell you to "just think positively” or to “look at the bright side” when you're going through a tough time?
While positivity can be helpful in some situations, it's not always the answer that we want or need in that moment. In fact, this response can sometimes feel invalidating and slightly annoying. The pressure to be positive all the time can actually be harmful to our mental health. This phenomenon has been called 'toxic positivity.'
What is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is the idea that we should always be happy, upbeat, and positive, regardless of what's going on in our lives. Sounds pretty unrealistic doesn’t it?! It's the belief or implication that negative emotions are bad and should be avoided at all costs. While positivity can be a good thing, and acting the opposite to how we feel can be a useful skill to regulate our emotions, toxic positivity takes it to an extreme, pressuring us to suppress our negative emotions and pretend that everything is always fine. ‘It’s fine, I’m fine!'
The Impact of Toxic Positivity on Mental Health
The problem with toxic positivity is that it can actually be pretty damaging to our mental health. When we suppress our negative emotions, we don't give ourselves the chance to process and work through them. Suppressed emotions don’t just disappear, they can present in other unhelpful ways, whether that be through physical sensations, exhaustion, or a short fuse. This can in turn result in conflicts, changes in behaviour or withdrawal. Pretending to be happy all the time can be exhausting and can make it harder for us to connect with others authentically, leading to feelings of loneliness or isolation.
If we are on the receiving end of toxic positivity, being told to be positive when we feel low or rubbish about our situation can also lead us to question our own emotions and reality. At the extreme end this can be a form of gaslighting. We may start to think that there is something wrong with us for feeling that way. When experiences and feelings are invalidated it can have a negative impact on our self-esteem and a reluctance to share again the next time.
Strategies for Combatting Toxic Positivity
So, what can we do to combat toxic positivity? Here are some strategies that might help us:
Practice self-compassion
When we're going through a tough time, it's important to treat ourselves with kindness and understanding. Instead of judging ourselves for having negative emotions, we can practice self-compassion by acknowledging that it's normal to feel this way and offering ourselves words of kindness and support.
Name and validate emotions
Validating our emotions means acknowledging and accepting them, rather than trying to suppress or deny them. All emotions are a natural part of the human experience. By labelling and naming our emotions and reminding ourselves that they're a normal and natural response to our circumstances, we can work through them in a healthier way.
BALANCED PERSPECTIVE
Consider all perspectives to the situation. What would you say to someone else in this situation? What is the best and worst case scenario? Is this fact or opinion? Tomorrow will you see this differently? Is there another way of looking at this?
Connect with others
Human connection is vital to our mental health and well-being. By reaching out to supportive friends and family members we can feel heard understood, and validated. This can help us to process our emotions in a healthy way, and to develop a sense of resilience and strength. Alternatively, we may need to reach out to someone external to our support network, such as a therapist, to talk through our thoughts and feelings.
Find healthy coping mechanisms
Coping mechanisms are the strategies we use to manage stress, anxiety, overwhelm and other difficult emotions. These strategies can include exercise, spending time outside in nature, mindfulness practices, or taking time for ourselves, and they can help us to build resilience and self-care practices that support our mental health and well-being.
Help and resources
If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences and want some additional help we would be happy to hear from you. You can book a free enquiry call here.
Podcasts:
Brene Brown interviews Dr Susan David on Dare to Lead
Self Care Club interview with Anna Mathur
Written by Dr Hannah Green, edits by Dr Natalie Bodart