A meme presently doing the rounds on social media draws on the classic film ‘Back to the Future’, in which Doc Brown, in his inimitable style, implores Marty McFly, “whatever you do, don’t go back to 2020“. As they say– It’s funny because it’s true.
But all joking aside, recent strains on our mental health have been enormous. Research across the pandemic from The Mental Health Foundation has revealed that over half of the adult UK population have felt frustrated, anxious or worried and have felt less able to cope with each phase of the restrictions. Whether there remains some anxiety about returning to our ‘normal’ lives or because many of us are already carrying the scars that the restrictions have inflicted on us, the impact will continue for some time to come.
Many of us have spent more time alone than we ever have done. This time has provided (lots of) space for us to reflect on events in our past and how they have affected our present; and that same space has also given us all an opportunity to think more about how we might like our lives and relationships to change in the future. Whether we source help in those endeavours from friends and family or seek some professional input, finding support from others is likely have an important impact on how successful our endeavours are.
For some, seeking help will come as a welcome opportunity to unload, to find coping strategies and a way forward with the help of an objective and focused listener. For others, seeking help may feel like a daunting prospect.
Since November last year, in a regular series, I have sought out some of my fellow professionals from Bonnie Scotland to Barcelona and discussed with them their areas of expertise and how they may relate to my own. We chatted about ways that we can all seek to improve our mental health in the pandemic and beyond, all with the aim of demystifying the process of therapy, one chat at a time.
These conversations have hopefully allowed a peek behind the door of the private clinic room to answer some questions you may have when seeking help; what will my psychologist be like? what will they be thinking as I share my experiences with them? what might we talk about? how can they help me? what will I learn?
One: Dr Kara Davey
Strength in vulnerability
Kara is a psychologist with a special interest in those who have experienced trauma and also baby loss. Having had a still birth herself, Kara is especially well placed to counsel people who have experienced the kind of sudden trauma that comes from a clear blue sky.
Kara made a point of stressing that a therapist can offer full attention to our issues with real compassion and empathy. Whilst she was at pains to point out that our family and friends are often eager to listen and help, the fear of compassion fatigue and appearing to be changed as a person is very real.
In spending time with a professional, we can be sure of having the ear of a willing listener whose only agenda is to help.
Two: Dr Alan Heben-Wadey
Befriending our bodies
In week two, Alan spoke about the psychological challenges often faced by those with physical difficulties. Alan is interested in how we may be able to shift from our experience of having a difficult relationship with our bodies to one with more compassion.
Wouldn’t it be easier to take care of our physical needs if we saw our bodies as our best friend- an object we love and care about- rather than as our enemy?
After so much time spent at home and indoors of late, Al and I discussed how nourishing ourselves with good food, making healthy choices and getting plenty of sleep might be a road to a psychological recovery as well as physical one.
Three: Jordi Arévalo Ventura
Emotional education past and present
Next was a visitor from Barcelona. Jordi has a special interest in individuals with personality disorder (or complex trauma) and he reflected on the importance of expressing our emotions in a healthy way. Jordi spoke of how examining what we were taught about emotions when we were children was often key to how we might react to stressful situations as adults.
Jordi shared his concept of a psychological first aid kit that we can use when we feel triggered by negative emotions to help us deal with those situations more calmly.
As a fan of using journalling to purposefully record memories and reflections in a structured way, I talked about how they could be used as a tool to understand the connections between our childhood and adulthood.
Four: Michaela Thomas
Balance over burnout
I love Michaela’s mantra of ‘balance over burnout’. She spoke about how in stressful times, those who strive for perfection can often put even more pressure on themselves to achieve. Where others may tolerate or endure repeated lockdowns and adjust their expectations, a perfectionist is likely to see newly available swathes of time not as an opportunity to rest or recuperate, but as one to work harder and achieve more. In the end this can lead to burnout.
Michaela shared her three stage model as a useful starting point to tackling the vicious cycle of perfection. Firstly we need to notice that we are stressed; what does that look or feel like for us? Secondly, we need to act and do something healthy and appropriate to improve our situation. Lastly, we need to recognise the barriers that prevent us from taking those actions, like the perception that it’s not worthwhile to slow down or that we have failed if we don’t reach our exacting standards.
In a society where we are for doing more and working harder, the challenge is to learn that doing more is often not the best or only plan.
Five: Dr Andrew Perry
Talking may save your life
It was a pleasure to speak to an old colleague of mine who has worked in secure settings and now runs a private practice and facilitates donation model group therapy. Andy spoke frankly and with compassion about a client of his who had recently committed suicide and how in a similar situation it is vital to do the thing that we least want to do; which is to talk to someone. Of course this is easier said than done and we talk about the understandable challenges of accepting help and how this can take time and trust. Andy shares how he has taken this journey for himself and the benefit of bringing his lived experience of mental health into the work he does with his clients.
Six: Dr Marianne Trent
Grief and loss; the ebb and flow
We have all experienced grief this year, even if we have not lost anybody to Covid-19. We have all lost experiences and opportunities. We grieve for the first steps we haven’t seen our grandchildren take and for the relationships we haven’t been able to nurture.
Of course, we may find ourselves suffering the after effects of a physical death for years after it occurred. We chatted about how grief isn’t linear but a feeling that comes and goes, that might be quenched by some experiences and reignited by others.
Seven: Dr Rebecca Varrall
Neurodiversity in the pandemic; controlling the unconcontrollable
In talking to Rebecca I learned lots more about neurodiversity in the pandemic. An increasing awareness of the wide spectrum of behaviours that fall under this diagnosis means that people are coming forward even in adulthood to have themselves assessed. For many individuals, the diagnosis of a condition like Autism might be a way of better understanding so many experiences in both childhood and adulthood that may have been difficult or excluding.
Rebecca shared how for some people with Autism (for example) the limiting of social interactions in lockdown may have come as a relief but that for others it meant a loss of routine which can be very difficult. She spoke about how regaining that routine or schedule was incredibly important in order to control the uncontrollable.
During each of our conversations, I asked all of my guests to tell me how they have been looking after their own mental health,. Here’s what they shared:
Seeing and calling friends
organising the working day differently
Michaela’s heated blanket
Early nights
Eating well
Exercise
Noticing and celebrating small wins
Playfulness
Slowing down
Focusing on things that bring joy and pleasure
The comfort of pets
Having a good cry when needed
I am hopeful that this post has given a useful insight into the work of psychologists and what it might feel like to be in therapy; that is not looking at inkblots or going around in circles but an hour of time focused on our needs, whether those include talking through our feelings to understand them better, or implementing strategies to cope with the stresses that life throws at us.
Whilst there’s lots of reasons why we wouldn’t want to return to 2020 (or even 2021) in a time machine, if these were the years when we truly learned to move on to the future with confidence, then maybe it will have been time well spent... right, Doc?
Many thanks to all of my guests, who you can find and connect with below:
Dr Kara Davey; Dr Alan Heben-Wadey; Michaela Thomas; Dr Marianne Trent;
Jordi Arévalo-Ventura; Dr Rebecca Varrall @ Autism Unravelled; Dr Andrew Perry
If you would like to talk more about accessing psychology sessions then you can book in a free call with Dr Natalie Bodart on our contact page or using the button below